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Novakon Jokes (Because Novakon IS a joke!)

What is the difference between Hell and Novakon?
(Hell has working Tech Support)

Two Machinist walk into a bar. The first has a big smile but his knuckles are bloody and his clothes are full of machining oil. The second is perfectly groomed like a Movie-Star.
The bartender says to the first guy, "What happened to you!"
He reply's, "I work at a full production machine shop, Oil and knuckle scrapes are common, but I build great parts, that make awesome products and happy customers."
Then the bartender looks at the Movie-Star guy and says, "What do you do?"
The movie star says, "Oh, I'm a machinist too! But we use Novakon equipment and it never works. I haven't make a part in years! Thank you Novakon! You are the king of No Productivity"

A little girl sits on the sidewalk playing with a razor sharp End Mill. A concerned Tool and Die Maker walks by. He doesn't want anyone to get cut with the sharp bit and wonders what else the girl has gotten into.
He says, "Hi little girl, where did you get that?"
She says, "Rodney at Novakon".
He says, "You know you could get hurt with that, why are you playing with it?"
She says, "I'm not stupid... it is my job training!"
The machinist is shocked... He says, "What do you mean? Why would anyone ask a little girl to play with a razor sharp end mill?"
The little girl says, "Rodney, at novakon, said if I could tell him what this does I too could join the Novakon Tech Support team! As a team lead!"

How many Novakon NM-200 mills does it take to make a hole?
(One, but you need a really strong crane to lift it high and soft ground to drop it on.)

A Strong Dog and a Weak Dog are bragging.
The Weak Dog says, "Today, I am going to piss on the car of Fred the Machinist, the one with the giant shop and all those tools."
The Strong Dod says, "Oh yeah, well I'm going to piss on Little Bob's car."
The Weak Dogs laughs, "You mean Little Bob who owns that Novakon NM-135 that never worked since he took it out of the box? Ha ha ha"
The Strong Dog says, "If you think it is so easy, then lets switch."
They agree.
The next day the Weak Dog shows up limping and missing an ear. He says to the Strong Dog, "I did not realize that because Fred has a working shop he is tired at the end of the day."
And the Strong Dog says, "Yeah, and Little Bob has a Novakon that always needs repairs so he can sit around all day and do nothing but rest!"
The Weak Dog says, "can we switch back?"

What is the difference between a Politician and a Novakon NM-200?
(Nothing! They both cost money and do very little.)

The Devil calls Novakon's John, Khai and Rodney into a meeting. He says, "Hello Gentlemen. I love your work! No one else can get away with selling so much faulty, broken and bad equipment. And your poor service is legendary! I'd like to discuss a merger!"
John looks at him and says, "I don't need you! I'm creating hell on earth for all my customers!"
The Devil is pissed! He says, "In 30 days I will build a machine that destroys you all!"
Then he looks at Rodney and says, "that's if you can help me get my Novakon NM-140 working. Did the parts come in yet? I called you 5 times and left messages... hey where are you going? Come back, please, come back!"
To this day the earth is safe because the Devil cannot get his Novakon working.

A dog is crying. His friend comes up to him and says, "Hey Rover, what's bothering you?"
Rover responds, "Hey, Spot, I've been faithful to my master for 10 years. I've been a true friend. Each year we go hunting, he shoots and I get the birds. We share beef jerky and play ball in the park."
Spot says, "Then why are you crying?"
Rover says, "My master just ordered a Novakon Mill."
Spot says, "And your afraid he'll spend on his time making parts?"
Rover says, "Hell no, my master is a machining wiz. He makes parts in his sleep!"
Spot says, "Then why are you crying?"
Rover says, "Because it is Novakon.net Mill it will never work. And my master will spend his waking days and nights trying to fix it." {Not so much funny but more or less true. And it has dogs talking in it.)

What is the difference between a Con Man and a Novakon.net Man?
One cons people out of their money and the other is a criminal wanted by the police.

How are a rented donkey and a Novakon Mill alike?
(Neither come with instruction manuals and when they don't work Tech Support tells you "maybe you should have bought a more expensive" mill.) ***FYI: True story. When I called Novakon to tell them I couldn't get the mill running they told me if I needed the machine so badly I should have bought a more expensive product.***

What is the difference between a lost child and a Novakon NM-145?
(The child knows she is lost but the NM-145 does NOT know it doesn't work.)

The newspaper says, "Machinist Contest", in big bold letters. Larry and Harold both decide to enter. Larry is going to build a steam engine from a solid piece of Titanium. And Harold says he is going to do something better. Larry tells Harold each step of his progress every time they meet. How he fixtured the aluminum block and used 6 Axis Machining to create every little detail. Harold just tells him, "I'll show you what I've accomplished at the event." This goes on daily for two full months until the contest judging day.
Larry proudly displays his working Aluminum Steam Engine. He fills the boiler with water, lights a fire in the little machine and after a few minutes a tiny whistle blows and the engine begins to chug! Everyone is impressed.
Harold is standing next to a big contraption under a tarp. Everyone holds their breath in anticipation of him revealing his creation.
The audience and judges sit in silence and Harold pulls off the tarp to reveal a Novakon NM-200.
The judges, and everyone else are shocked. They say, "are you the moron who invented that piece of junk Novakon?" The crowd begins to swell with anger.
Harold immediately yells, "No... I didn't invent the crappy Novakon. But I did get this one to almost work!"
Everyone cheers! And Harold wins the contest because we all know it is more difficult to get a Novakon to work than it is to build a working steam engine from a solid block of aluminum.

How are a failed Business-man and a Novakon NM-200 alike?
(They both think they are great but in reality they are useless.)

Why did the Novakon NM-200 cross the street?
(Because the machine shop was across the street from the dump.)

How many people does it take to turn on a Novakon NM-140?
(1-User to try, 1-Rodney to pretend to give Tech Support, 1-John-the-owner to hide from the customer, 1-ihavenofish to defend Novakon and 100-Hours of repair time performed by the end user on their own time. <or> Simply buy a CNC Mill from someone else.)

What is the difference between a Novakon and a Regular Con?
(NovaThing)

An Elephant and a Chicken are having a fight. The chicken says you think you're tough? "Once a day, without a tear, I squeeze a giant egg out of me!" The Elephant says, with a misty eye, "oh yeah, Well I bought a Novakon Mill." The chicken says, "That's not toughness, you simply don't care if you waste your money. But, to be honest, I'd rather lay an egg than buy any Novakon product. You win."

God is considering buying a Novakon Torus Bedmill. He calls to speak with his business associate Devil. "Devil", God says, "What type of BedMill do you own?"
"God, I own a Novakon Torus Bedmill... it is the best! You should order one and have it sent to my shop. We can work together trying to fix them."
God says, "But Devil, why do you need to fix your Novakon Torus Bedmill, isn't it new?"
Devil says, "Yes, but it came in not working and Khai and John don't return my phone calls about the broken Novakon Torus bedmill."
God is now concerned, "Why then Devil, should I buy a Novakon Torus Bedmill too?"
The Devil says, with his first feeling of sadness and a tear streaking down his cheek, "Because don't you know, misery really does love company."

lol! Get it? Even the Devil is sad because of his Novakon Torus bedmill!
Don't worry, God, I later heard bought a Tormach or TechnoIsel or something other than a Novakon Torus bedmill and is very happy.

More funny jokes about Novakon Torus Bedmill review and other Novakon Bedmill review and more Novakon Torus review to be added soon.

 

 

Have you been injured by Novakon? Bought CNC Equipment that did not work. Were told the equipment had features it did not? Have you spent hours trying to fix your new machine while Khia, Rodney and John avoid your calls or give you the run-a-round?

Contact us! We want to hear your story! Call us at 321-323-WISH! Because it is time we did something about this!

Novakon Sucks!